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We have a family membership to the Monticello Discovery Center. It is fun to drive up and spend an hour looking at the exhibits and playing with the interactive sections. We went with Rob and Mallory Lyman's family this time. |
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| Rob and I made some satellites. |
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| Melissa and Hannah to advantage of the on-site glamor studio! 2 of my cute girls. |
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| Somehow, after Sunday dinner the kids convinced us to play games at Grandma Workman's and they were introduced to Twister. This game is even more challenging when you don't know left from right. |
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| Possibly dressed for the school Valentine's Party? Thursday the 11th at 8:30 AM, must be posing before school. |
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| And just a few minutes later, Melissa called me at work and told me Zoe wasn't well. Her belly had swollen the past couple days and Melissa decided to take her to the vet. They have a small clinic in Blanding, but they weren't able to properly assess her because their x-ray was down. I came home from work and drove her to Moab, thinking she might have a twisted intestine. Nope, her abdominal cavity was full of free flowing blood. I had a horrible conversation with the vet. GSD get tumors, Hemangiosarcoma, and if that was the case, it was likely one had ruptured and she might be bleeding to death. We talked about risks for surgery, likelihood of recovery, etc. As we talked I understood the conversation to be, "if we do surgery and she has bleeding tumors, we won't wake her up." He invited me to join him in surgery so there'd be no confusion. He opened her, suctioned 2.5 liters of blood out of her abdomen. He then showed me tumors on her spleen, liver, intestines, and mesenteric fat. One large tumor on her spleen had ruptured. As I looked, I tried to come to terms with the fact that my dog was dead. Then the vet said he'd remove the spleen, sew her up and she'd be nearly back to full strength in a few days. Likely with 1-3 months to live before another bleed takes her. I agreed. In recovery, she woke, she drank a little, but she wouldn't get up. I put on her leash, I talked to her, I told her to "go home," but she wouldn't move. The vet told me to get up and leave the room, so I started to walk out. She stood up, with an 8-9 inch incision in her abdomen, and started to follow me. The vet stopped me and we talked post surgical care for a few minutes. She stood with me for a minute or two... then started walking back to the recovery bed. She was willing to put herself through walking to leave with me... but not just to stand around and chat. She loved me a lot... but not that much! |
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| We had been planning, for weeks to go visit Grandma Flick in Arizona. She was lonely and we were stir crazy during the pandemic. Lilian was just plain crazy, we discovered on the drive. Chris and Bill agreed to help Zoe recover. She stayed at their house and started enjoying liver, to boost her red blood cell count. |
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| We had a fun visit to Great Grandma Flick. The kids took to her very well. |
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| We visited Uncle Dale and Aunt Susan's house construction, a really cool lot carved out of the desert landscape... with a military surplus backhoe truck for the kids to play on. |
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| Happy Valentine's Day from Great Grandma! The kids all loved their stuffies and had cards and candies for Grandma. |
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We went to visit the local park, and it wasn't 100* like usual so we actually stayed a played a while. Lilian was not happy about the hippo eating me, and even less happy when I tried to convince her to climb in, she ran away and cried for a few minutes.
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| We visited Mortimer Farms, down the road from grandma. Petting zoo and slides and swings. Much better in February than in summer. |
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| Giant bouncy mound. |
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| And a zipline that got fast enough we almost lost the twins when it stopped at the end. We saw a teenager get thrown from her swing at the stop. |
February 14th, dad emailed to tell us that Josh had threatened suicide, assaulted Mandy while trying to get one of his guns and had been arrested. I'm writing July 18th, the day after his birthday and 2 days after their new baby Dani was born. At this point Josh seems well, he's lost his job as a nurse at the prison (possibly a good thing for his mental health), and his court stuff from the arrest is still pending all the lawyer mumbo-jumbo. We pray all resolves well.
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We received a call from Chris and Bill as we were packing to go home. Zoe was doing better each day, but the morning of the 16th she was out for a bathroom break and collapsed coming back in. She seemed to have a seizure. We finished packing and shared our love for grandma and headed home.
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| Chris and Bill took Zoe to the vet in Blanding. She stayed the day there and we were just able to make it home in time to pick her up before they closed. She probably had a stroke, she was incontinent, and if we tried to sit her up or move her at all, she would spasm and go rigid. He thinks it was likely in the cerebellum, so she has no balance and when moving she couldn't right herself to her surroundings. The vet told us that she might still recover and make it the 1-3 months with the cancer. He told us we could put her down there in the office, or because of my experience and comfort with meds, he was willing to leave the IV in place, send us home with meds and let us decide. We went home, we needed to have her home. |
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Thus began 1.5 very sweet and VERY PAINFUL days. We tried to be near her, and tried to feed and water her. During the 36 hours she drank only a few teaspoons and ate only a couple slices of ham. She was giving up and she wanted us to know. I was outside with her on the 16 or 17th. I was digging her grave in the garden area, by the cinder block wall, trying to get deep enough through the frozen ground and hard clay undisturbed for years. I went in to check on her, lying on the snow in the yard, every few minutes. I talked and we snuggled, and I begged her to show me why I should stop digging. We were lying together, I was crying pretty hard and talking to her, telling her how I love her and how scared I was to lose her. She gave me one little kiss and just stared at me. I hurt so bad because I knew she was telling me goodbye. She's our only baby who never shouted, "No! I want mom!" She was "my girl" and she was ready to leave me. She helped me lose 70 pounds, she ran countless miles with me, and always forgave me when I got mad if she didn't listen... and at that moment on the grass we both knew she needed to go. |
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Everyone said goodbye the night of the 17th. Hannah might have received the very last kiss. That's good, Hannah would spend the next several months grieving as hard as any of us. This last night, I still wanted a sign that she needed to stay, but I was still digging, trying to make her resting place safe and big. She was showing tiny bits of "progress." She could now lie on her elbows without collapsing, and if I held her against my leg, she could stretch her toes and lock her front legs to remain in a sitting position for a few seconds of struggling. Bullet, Buddy and Luanna Bland's dog, came and surprised Zoe and I in the backyard. When he came in Zoe gave it her all and tried to get up to chase. She just slammed into the ground, unable to lift herself. She lay motionless and I ran Bullet out of the yard and shut the gate. That was it, she and I had already decided it was time, but that was the final witness. |
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| Finn and Hannah both said goodbye again on the way to school. We dropped Lilian off with Grandma Workman after dropping them off at school. |
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| February 18th was a gorgeous morning. I gave her several doses of her preliminary IV sedative. I finished up the grave and Melissa and Zoe took a little time to bask in the sun and snuggle. Melissa told me she could barely see Zoe breathing any more, then I walked back into the yard and her head popped right up! My girl, right to the end. I gave her another dose of the sedative and we waited a few minutes for her to calm again then gave the final combo. It was an excruciating few minutes, it looked like the IV might not have held, there was some swelling at the site, but she passed, she never stirred after the last sedation. Holding her body was so different from every time I had held her. Zoe was gone... just a canine body was left to bury. We buried her and we cleaned house. We got rid of so much, clearing the space of the stuff, only keeping her collar and leash. We cried and I went back to work. |
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| The twins were at preschool and Lilian was at Grandma Workman's for all of this. They were not pleased when they got home. It wasn't just Zoe that was gone, her bed, her blanket, her bowls, it was all missing. They were upset, Melissa was upset. Finn wanted to leave the house, but Melissa was tired and needed to make lunch. When Finn asked for a show... that felt like the best way to stop the thinking for a bit. Hannah and Finley are snuggling the "baby Zoe" stuffy they received from Uncle Andrew a few years earlier |
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| Then life returned. We finally got our new roof, the contractor bid the job after the hail storm June 2020. |
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| We went exploring as a family |
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| And Nana and Granddad sent us their love, for us and Zoe. It took a long time to not expect to see Zoe when we got home, or to not look for her at bedtime. She was a big part of our lives. We miss her. We were blessed with an amazing dog. It is going to be awhile before our hearts are ready for another pet |
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